Performance Reviews

Well, it is the time of year when - because the mood is more relaxed and quiet - that we go through the annual process of our "annual performance reviews". Now, while it is technically true that this is, in fact, the first year that we have had performance reviews done, we definitely won't do it again for a year, and by that time, everyone will have forgotten that we're supposed to have them. In this way, it's much like the real-world workplace. And so the fact that we're calling them "annual" is more so that we can say it's our "APR" instead of our "PR".

So, while it's good to get these performance reviews in writing, we really get reviewed every day by every one that we come in contact with. We're always hearing things like "good girl" and "you are the cutest thing ever" and "isn't that sweet" and "I have never seen a creature whose stomach accounts for over 50% of their body mass". We know how we're doing, more or less.

We tried at first to do a "360 review", but Rozi misunderstood and chased her tail for an hour, so we had to stop. She did too, by the way, and it's taken her a while to get un-dizzi-fied. Instead, we are going to review each other in the normal APR categories: "Support", "Collaborate", "Deliver",. "Deploy", and "Grow". We have reviewed each other, and neither of us knows what the other said, which we thought was fair and which also means that we are excited to have the comments read to us (preferably, while we are sipping on some cool water and eating a snack of lamb treats and cheerios).

Support

About Izzi: "Izzi has been very good at making sure that we get to go outside when we want to. Sometimes, I am too shy to make noise about going outside, but she has a way of using her paws to annoy the hell out of anyone sitting near the door, and we get to go outside. I would give her a 10."


About Rozi: "Rozi's idea of support is to eat all of my food so that I can stay svelte and quick. While I like the concept, I find that I am often hungry at night and have nothing to eat except for pieces of my boyfriend. I give her a 3."

Collaborate

About Izzi: "Izzi is the best sister ever. She has helped me work on my fighting technique. I used to try to fight with her, but she showed me it's better to flop on my back and try to attack her from that position. She told me that it's silly to use your back legs for power and to drive your body into someone (like she does), so I have learned to 'attack from below' like a submarine....ohh, that made me think about a sub sandwich and now I'm hungry? Can we stop and have a snack? No? Oh, okay. I give Izzi a 10 for this."

About Rozi: "Rozi is a pain in my butt, and since I have a little butt, you can only image the pain I go through. She's always trying to 'do her own thing' and is not a 'team player', no matter how much I try to tell her. The girl just won't learn. I give her a 2."

Deliver

About Izzi: "When we need to have water at night time, Izzi knows how to push the buttons (by which I mean "paw on someone's arm until they get up and schlep her into the bathroom") to get it for us. Oh, sure, sometimes I'm too tired to get up, even though our mama tells me that I get what she gets, but that doesn't mean that my big sister doesn't deliver for us in a big way. I give her 10."

About Rozi: "The only delivering Rozi does is when she delivers a bark when I am trying to sleep. She also delivers hip checks on me when I am trying to get a bunny or a squirrel or a birdie in the back yard. She just doesn't understand that I'm doing my job, not out there to play. Play time is for play time and chasing aimlessly after small creatures who are too fast for us is chasing aimlessly after small creatures who are too fast for us. She has to learn the difference. She gets a 1 from me."

Deploy

About Izzi: "I don't know what that word means, but I give Izzi a 10."

About Rozi: "Rozi often deploys herself in front of something that I want to get to and it's really annoying. I try to be nice to her about it, but she just doesn't seem to understand, no matter how many times I growl at her. This is most often when I want to snuggle with our mama, and Rozi has deployed herself across half the bed. I have to very calmly and gently explain to her that it would be in every one's best interest if she were to remove herself from her current position, and deploy her big butt at the end of the bed. I give her 0."

Grow

About Izzi: "My sister is the best person in the world, except for my mama. I love that she is always growing and learning new things, like how to shove me out of the way when I deploy [she just told me what it meant] my big butt in her way. She's taught me that there are creatures in the yard that want to be mean to us, and I have tried to learn from her, but I forget things. I love that she is growing as a puppy, but I hope that she never grows too big to be my sister. I give her a 10."

About Rozi: "Are you kidding? Rozi? And, "growing"? I'm pretty sure that if you look in the dictionary (at least the one that she hasn't nibbled on) and look up the word "grow", you'll see a photo of her as a puppy and one of her recently. Oh, here it is.
So, I think you can see that "grow" is something that Rozi has no problem with. She gets a 44."

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And so, in conclusion, after counting up the points, both of us got 50 points, which means that we get to keep having treats and don't get put on probation.

Now, we have to take a celebratory nap.

Arf, Yip, Yip, Arf,
Izzi & Rozi

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