Greetings, fellow members of the Puppy Guard.
This is Captain Izzi, reporting to you from the battleground that is Lexington. Well, not all of Lexington; that would be much to hard for someone like me...perhaps if I were a Golden Retriever or a Bull Mastiff or something, I'd have the skeleton, muscles, and stamina to guard an entire community. No, I control only our patch land, an estate that is goes as far and wide as the eye can see. Assuming, of course, that your vision is like mine and can go for something like 10 to 15 feet (human measure).
I thought today would be a good time to update our troops on what it is we are all doing as Puppy Guards, and to tell you that I am 100% behind you as you work so hard to keep our land safe. And, by "safe", I mean that you don't let anyone walk on your land unless they are (a) part of the family or (b) have treats. With our vigilance, I know that we can keep our homes safe from intruders, including the kind on two legs, the kinds on four legs, the kind on three legs (I saw a machine of some kind that had three legs as a child rode on its back, which I'm hoping to look up on wikipedia, should my family ever buy me a computer), and the kind on two legs with those feathery things on both sides of their bodies. Ours is a thankless job, but one that we all - I know - take very seriously.
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| Always on guard, even when a comfy suitcase gets ... yawn ... in my way |
I know that you are all wondering how our newest cadet, Rozi, is working out. Well, as I am sure you all know, one of the hardest parts of training a new cadet it getting them to listen to you when you tell them what to do. That, I am afraid, is an ongoing problem with cadet Rozi. She seems to have great passion for keeping our land safe, and has very often gone on search and destroy missions by herself (yes, she wasn't supposed to, but cadet Rozi isn't one for following orders). Unfortunately, those search and destroy missions have not amounted to much, and she has made a bit of a nuisance of herself as she heads out into the great wilderness that is our back yard.
And, if I might be so blunt: she's really not as bright as we'd like to see in a cadet. I would blame her genetic make-up, but I share 50% of the make-up with her. So, I believe it's the "nature vs. nurture" debate once again, a subject, perhaps, for another update on another day.
You see, cadet Rozi does not know how to 'sneak' on anything. At the first sign of trouble, she charges ahead loudly, barking at whatever it is that she sees. And, as we all know, barking is the number one reason that creatures who are trying to invade our lands will retreat before we have a chance to attack and maim them. Or, at the least, nip at their ankles. But, no. With cadet Rozi, everything is loud, everything is a threat.
Why, just this morning, when we were sent out to do a sweep of the backyard, I did my usual: I lurched through the doorway and down the stairs, eyes open for threats of all kinds. Seeing none, I hopped back up the stairs, and headed off to one side of the "porch" (the long wooden area surround our home, over which I overlook the back yard and keep an alert eye out for creatures, excluding the the 23 1/2 hour period when I'm sleeping.
I did a quick patrol of that side of our land, making sure that no creature, legged, winged, or otherwise, tried to enter our space. And, what was cadet Rozi doing while I did this? Well, at first, she just sat and waited for me to return to the top of the stairs; that was well within our standard operating procedure. But, then, before our "joint" patrol was even 15 second old, she returned to the inside of our home. The inside! What good was that supposed to do us? So, realizing I was without backup, I retreated to find out what was happening with her... perhaps a bite or a scratch or a wound sent her to the infirmary. Yes, when I tried to reenter the house, she was standing there and gave a little jump at me when I entered. The nerve! I think that because she's my sister (yes, "half-" sister, but still...) she takes advantage and does not properly acknowledge the difference in rank between the two of us.
I reentered and avoided her bites, and then rested for a minute or seventeen. As I began to doze, the killer instinct in cadet Rozi finally awoke and she began to bark at something that was travelling across the front of our property. I quickly moved from my "back of the house" sentry position (a/k/a "the green chair") to my "front of the house" sentry position (a/k/a "the couch") joined in with cadet Rozi, only to find that the threat had left. I still don't know what it was, but I think that I've just shown you that she's just not "getting it": no barking or attacking when we were out in the back of our house, a place where there are all kinds of threats, including coyotes, foxes, fisher cats, and killer whales (or, so I am led to believe). But, inside our home, where NO ONE was attacking, the barking began ceaselessly and ended only after cadet Rozi accidentally fell asleep.
| Watch out for whales! |
And, so, off to the battle once more! After, of course, a little nap.
Arf, Yip, Arf, Yip,
Izzi
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